A Humorous Old Testament Write-Up

Every week at Emmaus, the school which attend, in my Old Testament Survey class, we're required to turn in a written report on a question pertaining to the text we read that week. My beloved professor posed this question:

" Write a personal response to Psalm 15 as it gives instruction for your life as a student at Emmaus."

I, being the unfortunate Puritan influenced smart aleck that I am, responded as follows:

"How indeed shall I remain steadfast and ere immovable at this the swan song of my Emmaus sojournings? Further still, how ought I indeed to dwell in the tabernacle of the Lord? How indeed shall I ever rest in His holy mountayne? Or, to put it simply, how shall I thus enter heaven? Psalm 15 answers these basic inquiries with a most sure and certain response. As I have long tarried ere on the Emmaus properties I have surely found a most troubling thing: when I act in the secret counsels of life in a way aberrant to the holy Scriptures (and the holy handbook) my bed is oft drowned in tears for the pains which I do indeed suffer at mine own hands. For this reason doth David exclaim that, “he that walketh uprightly,” shall be the man who doest enter into the Lord’s holy Tabernacle. I shouldst likewise infer, he that walketh uprightly with the Holy Scriptures as they pertain to the holy handbook firm in his mind shall be a happy man. He that doeth all in accordance with the Law of Glock in his secret counsels, and worketh towards holiness in working righteousness while attending this beloved institution, and alway sayeth the truth of God to himself in his dailie doings shall be a happy Emmaus student, or so thus I have found in my various experiments and thus I believe shall carry me onwards to the end of, not only my Emmaus sojournings, but to the end of all life and breath. But David dost not only address the outward positive workings of righteousness but also the outward ceasing of sin. Indeed, while tarrying at Emmaus I have found that those who, “slandereth with the tongue,” behind the backs of their acquaintances oft come to a nasty end. This simply shall not do for a devout saint of Christ or Emmaus attendee. To graduate, or truly to enter heaven, one must not, “doeth evil to his neigbour,” for indeed this shall thus prove us finally vain and outside of the Tabernacle and holy mountayne. Finally, David doth give the most wise counsel to wisely endeavor in choosing those who shall be with you al the days of his (Emmaus) life. We shall not, sayeth David, commend that most evil and profane man who walkest not in the counsels of the Almighty. Rather, sayeth he, we shall giveth our honour, affection, and acquaintance unto the godly who “feareth the Lord.” One must not, likewise, squander one’s finances upon that evil gayne of gambling and trifling with the wanton pleasure of robbing his fellow man from a bet. Not only is this contrary to the Law of the Lord but it is a most vile abomination of the Law of Glock and, shouldst one deign to invest in such an unwise endeavor, he shall thus rightly find himself before that most feared committee of student judicial affaires.

Thus shall the student of Emmaus dwell and prosper."

My wife's exact quote was,

"Wow, it's sure a good thing that he knows you!"

"Wow" is right...

Enjoying the serious moments and the humorous ones with you brethren,

soli deo gloria

R.D. Thompson